keepwishing

my hands will always be open you know you can always hold them except those times when i shove them into the pockets of these too-tight jeans that i only bought for you and those times when they're holding my coffee only needed because of my fear of falling asleep and dreaming of you and, of course when they're adjusting the volume on the headphones that i thought you'd liek that i sort of bought to drown you out and the rest of the time when i clasp them together for hope of it feeling like you. i guess now my hands are off limits sorry, there's no room for you.

slowly, i'm easing myself over you. i'll always still wish what we had was still there but really. why aim for something  that you'll never have again? why hate yourself when you could stop it? you're not worth it you're perfect but not for me.

as if you're anything alone you don't realize how much you need me i'll forgive these fake smiles if you notice how far they go eyebrows raised, as if to say "i'm better than you." which i'm sure you believe i'm sure you also think you could live without me. i'd like to see you try. tell me, who would you go to? who else would you call? who else would lie and tell you you're someone? face it, you can't manage without someone like me guiding you, sculpting you letting you be yourself but even when you are you're just little bits of others you say i'm nothing without you honestly? you're nothing without me

you are the essence of all of my clichéd poetry your beautiful and stupid insights could never mean more why is it that we never love what's best we always want so much more so we go for what's worst so now i know that you'll never let me heal and your perfect and vapid smile will never shine on me i'll never never understand why you can't let someone go i know i'm finally over us but i can't get over you

shove me down and maybe i'll knock down the walls those cardboard cutouts, standardized because when you're like me you notice the flaws and you notice the way nothing fits together quite right and you notice that you're the only one who can knock the walls down because nobody notices they're fake and maybe if i shove harder someone else will notice and do the same and maybe if i shove harder still we'll all notice the cracks and everything will fall and if i give it my life you'll notice that they're fake all but me

When I get mad at someone, I just cry.                                                                                    There's nothing wrong with crying. I'm overweight.                                                                                         You're underweight. Seriously. I'm an idiot.                                                                                                 You're a freaking genius. No one loves me as more than a friend.                                                                                               So where do I come in? I can't find a reason to keep living.          

that way you stare and that way you smile like you know everything but you don't know how i still need to see you and feel you next to me and hear you breathe and lose myself and forget who i was and accidentally abandon any part of me that you would ever accept but i guess that means you care enough to notice so i guess that's alright but not really since you're the only reason i ever disappeared.

i don't mean to be pushy i don't mean to be cold it's just sometimes around you it feels justified and it feels good and i don't mind and i hope you don't mind because i can't be this way anywhere else and so with you i lose my inhibitions and whisper stupid things but after i feel like me that girl who nobody really knows the one who can't justify it the one who can't feel good who i am.

grasping your fingers it makes me happy but in a moment or maybe just tonight i might forget how “happy” feels and fall back into this ditch and let go of your hand because it’s starting to hurt and you’re squeezing to tight and i don’t want to let go but i have to because when i’m with you perspective disappears and I forget that you’re the reason i never forgot

Come over here So I can see your eyes The ones that freeze to ice And hurt me every time Right this way See the one girl show The one consisting of nothing but tears And constant screaming Step right up Don't let her go A once in a lifetime opportunity That you will obviously pass up. Ladies and gents Come see the main attraction And hope the music Won't drive you insane